I wanted to have lots of thoughts about this song and what it means to me. And I probably do. But they don’t feel easy to articulate—instead, all I’ve got is a swirl of indistinct emotions. I’ve been sitting on this recording for a few weeks, so instead of scratching my head until I have enough thoughts to qualify as “content,” I figured I’d go ahead and share the song itself.
The impetus to cover this one came from the fact that Kelsey and I are in the process of moving houses! (We’re staying in Nashville, just hopping into a different neighborhood.) We’ve done lots of sifting through our belongings, making the obligatory “keep,” “trash,” and “Goodwill” piles, and one thing I have a lot of is journals.
Nothing teaches self-compassion quite like reading old journal entries. Once you get over the initial pang of embarrassment, there’s so much discovery that can take place. As I read, I can’t stop thinking in amazement, sometimes disbelief: I used to be this person. In many ways, I still am this person. And, however adolescent or self-conscious or inconsequential these feelings and sentiments are, they felt 100% earnest and authentic when I wrote them down. It can be so clarifying to witness the deeper, longer-standing desires and hopes that hide beneath the surface of old words—often, not as much has changed as it would seem.
Anaïs Mitchell is an extraordinary songwriter. If you haven’t listened to her, I strongly urge you to do so, and start with her self-titled album (which includes this song). Her style is unforced without being unfocused. Many of her songs, including this one, come off as almost a stream of consciousness, just an unbreakable flow of melody and self-reflection and hypnotic chord cycles. It sounds like it’s easy until you break it down and realize just how much is going on to create that illusion of inevitability.
I hope you enjoy the song! I’ll try to write again relatively soon, once Kels and I are settled into our new place.
The look on your face when you sing "suddenly I saw your face." It's got me weepy. Also, dude. Dazzling guitar.